Because I'm Goffik!
by The Mediocre Papyrus
Summary: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and her friends, Vampire Potter and Draco Malfoy, are shocked with the preppiness of the song 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams. They decide to write their own goffik version of it. Rated T for occasional swearing, OOCness, and general stupidity.


_**A.N. Before we begin, I'd like to tell you that yes, I do know song fics are against the rules. However, this is a parody of a song. The lyrics are mine and mine alone. Infact, the only real similarity it has to the original song is the tune. Also, I know you can't use technology at Hogwarts, but this is a 'My Immortal' parody. So, expect rules of canon to be broken.**_

_**Welp, that's all I have to say. Here we go!**_

* * *

Seventeen year old Hogwarts student and Mary-Sue Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way was watching a music video on her gothic black laptop with a picture of Gerard Way on it. She was wearing a black corset with purple lace and a red miniskirt with black ripped stuff all over it and pointy purple lace up boots. Her icy blue eyes like limpid tears were filled with anger as she finished the music video.

'OMFG!' she shrieked sexily. 'This music video is so un-goffik it makes me wanna cry black limpid tears of depression!'

Her boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, and her best friend, Vampire Potter, came. Draco was wearing black baggy leather MCR pants and a tight red Simple Plan T-Shirt. Vampire was wearing a huge black GC tee that was black and black jeans that had chains and skulls and stuff.

'What's up Ebony?' Draco asked concertedly.

'Look at this preppy abomination!' Ebony yelled in a gothic voice, pointing at the screen of her black laptop with red keys and bats all over it. Vampire and Draco watched in horror as the terrible preppy and positive lyrics filled their ears.

_'Because I'm happy!_

_Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof!_

_Because I'm happy!_

_Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth!'_

Ebony slammed the cool sexy gothic laptop shut in a suicidal way (geddit lol way like gerard da fookin sexbom) 'You see?' she roared sexily. 'This preppy bastard Pharrell Williams is trying to turn all of the cool goffs to the Light Side!'

'You're right, Ebony!' said Draco angstily. 'Well, you're always right, but that's beside the point. The message is too positive!'

'Here's what we'll do!' said Vampire, looking incredibly sexy just like the fucking sexbomb Joel Madden. 'We'll write our own goffik lyrics! Then we post it on this YouTube site, and voila! We have our goffs back.'

'I'll sing it!' Ebony said in her gothic sexy voice.

And so, the gothic Slytherin trio wrote their song. It was gothic and sexy and awesome and everybody loved it. It went like this:

* * *

_[Verse One]_

_It might seem preppy, what I'm about to say,_

_Snow and rain is here, sunshine can go away!_

_I'm a vampire that sparkles like the stars in space!_

_And I really hate preppy bitches, by the way._

_[Chorus:]_

_Because I'm goffik!_

_Clap along if you feel like crying red tears of blood!_

_Because I'm goffik!_

_Clap along if you feel like mangling characters that are canon!_

_Because I'm goffik!_

_Clap along if you know you're a self-insert Mary Sue!_

_Because I'm goffik!_

_Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do!_

_[Verse Two:]_

_Here comes sad news, yippee I love shit that's bad! (yeah)_

_'Cause I am a huge goff, we should all be like that! (yeah)_

_But I hate preps and posers, those bitches are too nice! (yeah)_

_I fucking hate them, so don't waste your time!_

_Here's why_

_[Chorus]_

_Hey, come on_

_[Bridge:]_

_(goffik)_

_Bring me up_

_Can't nothing bring me up_

_I'm too depressed_

_Bring me up_

_Can't nothing bring me up_

_I said (stupid preps, listen to me now!)_

_Bring me up_

_Can't nothing bring me up_

_I'm too depressed_

_Bring me up_

_Can't nothing bring me up_

_I said_

_[Chorus 2x]_

_Hey, come on_

_(goffik)_

_Bring me up ... can't nothing..._

_Bring me up ... I'm too depressed..._

_Bring me up ... can't nothing ..._

_Bring me up, I said (stupid preps, listen to me now!)_

_[Chorus 2x]_

_Come on_

* * *

The song, 'Because I'm Goffik,' was an instant worldwide success. Vampire, Draco and Ebony became millionaires because of it. Once they got older, Ebony posted her autobiography on the fanfiction site under the guise 'Tara Gilesbie', while Draco helped her under the guise of her friend 'Raven'. Vampire, meanwhile, moved on from Tara and Draco, deciding to become a writer. His stories, 'Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen', and 'Twila the Gurl who was in Luv W/ a Vampire' were posted on the fanfiction site along with Ebony's.

And they all lived goffikally ever after.

_**The End.**_


End file.
